I have to reject people often, even within my team, and I try to do this in a way that is focused on growth. Feedback should be personal, actionable, and focused on the future.

In a team with more than 100 people and different projects and focus areas, we occasionally have vacancies available. When that happens, I personally reply to every applicant, even those who were not selected.

When I do so, I am often reminded of something my team lead once shared with me. While I don’t know his exact wording, the idea was something along the lines of:

Don’t tell people they didn’t get it because others were better. That is vague, and it’s purely external. Try instead focusing on what you would’ve liked to see that wasn’t there. Explain the behaviour and growth you’d like to see to make a future decision weigh in their favour.

So, that’s what I try to do when I chat to applicants. I point out the parts I appreciated in the application, but also what I think was missing and how I think they can address those areas.

In all cases, I point out that their lead and I can help them with that growth. Ideally, this application is the start of growth; they have seen a challenge they are interested in, and this enthusiasm is a good entry point into career development. If we say “no” without context, clear feedback, and focus on the future, we run the risk of stifling that enthusiasm.

What people do with this is of course beyond my control, but I know of several examples where people used the feedback and together with their lead found ways to grow.

So, when you want to see growth in your team, don’t just say “no” when people aren’t a great fit for a project/role, but explain why and help them en route to addressing the why.